Saturday, April 9, 2016

and now you are FIVE, Henley Mayes

oh Henley. can I just freeze everything about you right now? just don't grow and don't get older and most of all..... DON'T GO TO KINDERGARTEN! (sob)

you, my oldest girl, turned 5 a few months ago. you counted down from about 3 months and had a paper chain the last 30 days. whew, were you ready to be five. your birthday request was to get your ears pierced and then go visit santa and show him your new earrings. we had a long converstaion about responsibility and you were ready. that morning, you chose one gift to open and lo and behold, tap shoes! you were so funny tapping away on the back porch.

we drove down to claire's that day to get your ears pierced. you were SO BRAVE. she gave you a bear to hold and did them one at a time (not what mommy was imagining). you flinched a tiny bit but the second one didn't faze you at all. and when you were finished, you tiny little diamonds sparkled in the sun and you were thrilled. beautiful girl.

you are five and fully ALIVE. your brain must be like a hamster on a wheel on turbo drive. sometimes (a lot of the time) it makes me kinda crazy. the way you go from this to that and then this and forget to turn off the water when you wash your hands or put away your dirty clothes or get dressed as soon as you get out of bed or put on 5 different pairs of shoes each time you need to go inside or out. it's like your ideas are faster than you can keep up with sometimes.

you are so much like me. you and me babe, we are dreamers and creatives and big idea people. you have your sixth, seventh, ninth and sixteenth birthday parties already planned. sixth is build a bear, seventh is bowling party with friends, ninth is hunting a deer just you and daddy and sixteenth is a trip to new york city "to see lady liverty". you even said you'd save all your money to buy your own plane ticket. sweet thing. i think we'll take care of that one for you.

everytime we get in the car, you start telling me about this years halloween costume ideas. i mean, we've got 8 months. but boy are you always thinking about it.

another thing you do that i love is your getting ready skills. you love to pack your own suitcase and any little things you think you might need for trips. you get your outfits ready days before we need to- boots and jeans for the stock show, nikes and workout clothes for a walk, bows and dresses for church. i've been known to do the same.

you are so fiercely independent. you've learned to make your own microwave pancakes (get them out, put on plate in micro, press "sirty, sirty, sirty {thirty} and the butter and syrup), wash grady's bottles, and are determined to change a wet diaper.

speaking of grady, you are his biggest fan. "oh hey, mom. HI GRADY!! good morning, bubba!!!" you guys sit toegther and watch tv all the time. he falls asleep in your lap. you cheer him up and he grins a million watts of smileage your way. you LOVE him. pretty precious.

lately, we've been getting ready for kinder registration. i mentioned we might go this wednesday and you ran up and dressed yourself and put your own hair up all ready to go in about 10 minutes. then mia threw up and derailed your plans. mama was so relieved. :) no, i'm glad for you to go and excited (not as excited as you, dear one) but BOY WILL I MISS YOU SOMETHING CRAZY. i guess since we didn't do preschool and it's just been you and me and then mia and then grady and just us everyday, i am going to have a little shock without a little gerbil around each day. you are so, so, so excited. you have talked about your backpack and lunchbox and even save snacks you get just for kinder. you wonder about your classmates and teacher. i told you about buying your lunch in the cafeteria and you couldn't believe that. about bringing birthday treats. then you spent an hour deciding on what little trinket you would put on top of your cupcakes. (it's little rings for the girls and toy cars for the boys, currently). you even want to just hop on the school bus the first day. heck no, baby, this mama is driving you there and back for a while to make sure all the world doesn't swallow you up. :)

big changes ahead for us.

today is the first day of october, which means baby month! henley just brought me my phone and said, "mom, mom, it's october!! this is the month of OUR BABY!!" saying she is excited is quite an understatement.

for a while there, I was really struggling (? not sure if that's the right word) with this third kid of ours. for about 2 years, we've (I've) had some serious baby fever and knew one more would be a good fit for our family. and when we got pregnant really quickly (reeeeeeallly quickly), we were thrilled and excited. and shocked, a bit. but those first few months threw me for a loop.

on one hand, I was so excited about this new addition. but it's just been me and my chicks for a couple of years. doing all our girl stuff, in an easy routine. was i crazy to change all that? no buckling car seats anymore and no high chairs and no diapers and no carrying a kid around anymore. we go just about anywhere we want without worrying if the girls can "handle it". life is easy. what are we thinking?? plus, i LOVE doing life with these chickies. us 3. this is why i wanted to stay at home with them. to do everyday life and explore and learn and have fun.

i let the guilt of that set in for a while. i felt bad to question this gift, this easy addition. of course, i wanted this baby. of course. and life is not going to stay just us 3 at home, anyway. hen is nearly in kindergarten. and then mia will be gone the next year. embrace the change. let the family grow and enjoy the baby challenges again.

UPDATE: i am finishing this post on february 9. grady will be 4 months old in a few days. it has been a fairly smooth transition! grady is the easiest baby, happy all the time. our family NEEDED him. what was i worrying about?? i'm planning to write a "on the day you were born" for grady and can add all the details in there.  i smile seeing my apprehension above.  it's funny how God knows all this- the worry and the guilt and the thankfulness and transition. he sees it all and knows how it's all going to work out and it does and it's wonderful.