Ruthie Mayes

big changes ahead for us.

today is the first day of october, which means baby month! henley just brought me my phone and said, "mom, mom, it's october!! this is the month of OUR BABY!!" saying she is excited is quite an understatement.

for a while there, I was really struggling (? not sure if that's the right word) with this third kid of ours. for about 2 years, we've (I've) had some serious baby fever and knew one more would be a good fit for our family. and when we got pregnant really quickly (reeeeeeallly quickly), we were thrilled and excited. and shocked, a bit. but those first few months threw me for a loop.

on one hand, I was so excited about this new addition. but it's just been me and my chicks for a couple of years. doing all our girl stuff, in an easy routine. was i crazy to change all that? no buckling car seats anymore and no high chairs and no diapers and no carrying a kid around anymore. we go just about anywhere we want without worrying if the girls can "handle it". life is easy. what are we thinking?? plus, i LOVE doing life with these chickies. us 3. this is why i wanted to stay at home with them. to do everyday life and explore and learn and have fun.

i let the guilt of that set in for a while. i felt bad to question this gift, this easy addition. of course, i wanted this baby. of course. and life is not going to stay just us 3 at home, anyway. hen is nearly in kindergarten. and then mia will be gone the next year. embrace the change. let the family grow and enjoy the baby challenges again.

UPDATE: i am finishing this post on february 9. grady will be 4 months old in a few days. it has been a fairly smooth transition! grady is the easiest baby, happy all the time. our family NEEDED him. what was i worrying about?? i'm planning to write a "on the day you were born" for grady and can add all the details in there.  i smile seeing my apprehension above.  it's funny how God knows all this- the worry and the guilt and the thankfulness and transition. he sees it all and knows how it's all going to work out and it does and it's wonderful.